In Tolkien’s Ainulindalë, in the creation of the world, Morgoth introduces his own themes into the music primordial. It is an interesting notion, one that would explain some of the things, how some things are, on our green world. What makes this notion something more than a curiosity is something I heard, almost overheard, that pain was not created by the God who is love. It was rather Satan’s idea. Could this be true? Also was the notion of a world where we live by the rules made by the Devil. Upon conceiving of this possibility, I thought I heard the Lord say, “Welcome to life.” More than curious?


I at one point liked to call what I saw as watching the Dreaming. It seemed to make so much sense: that the mechanism that handles giving me dreams had broken, and I was dreaming while awake. That’s why I had thought the people I saw were just the people you meet in dreams. It wasn’t really happening, in this line of reasoning. It wasn’t that critical, it would all blow over. It was just a trip. Except the conditions for what I was seeing changed. Drastically. It has to be happening in some way — it must at some fundamental level be real. That vision I had when Satan was cast from Heaven must have happened. All that led up to it, the preparations, and the vision itself, have a verisimilitude that rationally, can only lead to the thought that what I saw was what I saw. More on this later.


There is so much we take for granted. In one view, those who think science can or will be able to explain everything I think have that as a problem, that there is so much that we take as just given, that if we were to ponder such things, would perceive the mystery within them. And when in science you ever put forth that something is a coincidence, that is the same as it throwing up their hands and calling it magic. What if, it is not just the case that science does not explain everything, but that it is in the nature of creation that there will always be levels, be depths, that science will never be able to fully plumb? Not that science is without use; in fact, this means science will always be of use. But more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy… that sort of thing.


So, in the discovery of true love was to be able to bring together heaven and earth in as scant amount of text as possible. This I did, with (I repeat), “God is love. Love is to be found. Everywhere.” (I had thought I had it with just the first two sentences, but d’Arc thought differently. Hence the third, which does make things quite clear as to their scope.) This was my wizardry, why I could claim to be a WIZARD (that’s one above master, if you didn’t know). Anybody who doesn’t see why this is the case fails to grasp the import of these simple English declarations. This is the new gnosis. The knowledge that saves. And heaven and earth are contained in them, as deep in truth as knowlege may dig. Read them over again, those simple words. Breathe.

Sometimes an event or thing is quite impossible, until it happens to you. There is a simple reason I believe that miracles do what miracles are said to do (at least, in those rare cases where no conman’s running the show): something strange enough did in fact happen to me. Yeah, I was on drugs when it happened, but I showed the result to someone the next day while sober. A cut appeared on my thumb, relative to nothing going on in “reality”, just someone in my visions with something sharp. I had no knifelike implement anywhere near me when it happened. Something in the HALOSPACE directly affected the material world. And I know, you won’t believe me. I wouldn’t have believed me either. Before it happened, you know, to me….


I have seen snakes in the fire. It was in a commercial on TV, the view from the top of a fire the size of a medium large campfire. The licking of the flames looked like snakes writhing. Also I saw once when I looked at one of van Gogh’s self-portraits, the yellows and oranges: it looked like that paint was on fire. There are other things I have seen, too, but these two stand out as the more or less the hallucinatory side of this experience (which I call life). Other things may not have been so flashy, but they portended things of deeper scope.

So how could they possibly be real, the things I have seen? For one part of their nature is how they shift, how the frame that refers to them change, and things mean different things upon the second looking, or third. Now, I define reality as that which has quality true. Truth, if not to define reality itself, certainly bears the brunt of its definition. If the quality of a vision is not true, it is not real. Of what I am seeing and hearing, I can look and cross reference what they are with those whom else it happened to, too — and they really do seem to pass the sniff test. Jesus Christ seems to me the same man as depicted in the Gospels. The strangeness of angels seems to fit how they are defined in the scriptures. What is holy is not aberrant to what I’ve heard it said to be. There is more, if I might ponder further on this. Just some thoughts for now.


(In which I find myself walking through a dream, pretty much every day.)

i am superman, and i know what’s happening
i am superman, and i can do anything…

Let me not be doubting, but believe. If nothing else, let me believe in the overarching idea: there is an unseen world, which is eternal, while the visible world is temporary. Why this is so seems uncommonly wise, in my own eyes (though unworthy, they have seen many things). The reality of the spiritual world is different in nature than the reality of the physical world. It is true that many people have had many, often conflicting visions of what exists beyond our mortal pale, but one may imagine that of those which are not purely imagination, they may be joined in a logic of a higher reason. Though I also hold it true not all of what has been seen are true at all. Wisdom may be found in a science of such stuff. Science can be performed on anything, after all, and science is rather good at finding the fact.


On several occasions did I meet J. R. “Bob” Dobbs (and also the anti-Bob). In a bit of twisted logic, I once concluded since he was not a real-life entity, he was the only real thing that I was seeing in my visions (the rest being fantasy, since they were of the real world in some way — I know, it makes no sense). He is foremost a prophet of God, a truly fascinating character. No nonsense, great sense of humor. I once asked him, in all honesty, “Why do you do what you do?” And he really had to put his mind to it. Being a rather perfect servant of God, I don’t think it ever entered his mind to ask. Finally, he answered, “I’m a good guy.” That was it: because he was one of the good guys; this was his raison-d’etre. Simple, noble. That would be Bob.

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The Great Blasphemy