> From this.
At times I have had to stop, take a second, and shake myself and say, “Yes, John H. Doe, this is really happening.” Sometimes that was not enough, and one of the higher ups had to do it. Jesus Christ interrupted my regularly scheduled reality to break in and say so to me. I don’t know if it is actually easier for me to believe that some of these things are happening than for someone else who is clued in to what exactly is possible in the paradigms I play in. What is real is real, no matter how much it resembles an hallucination. What Philip K. described as reality: that which, once you stop believing in it, it doesn’t go away. Doesn’t help the schizophrenics, though, who desperately want to stop believing in the things he hears and sees, but is simply unable to. And I have been diagnosed with that, if you must know; but some people will also will diagnose Joan of Arc and the prophet Ezekiel with it, too. Surely not all of us are mad?
The skeptic in me (the scientist, I like to think) still wants to label everything I see as a figment of my imagination. Which I’m sure many, if not most of you out there are wont to do. I completely understand. But, my goodness, what I have seen! I cannot pragmatically consider that my imagination, with schizophrenia supercharging it even, is so grand to have conjured up just everything that has been in my visions. (I have seen INFINITY!) What is pride here, what is the humility? To believe I have been given a mind so great to be capable on its own, to have such visions? Or that I have been blessed by a touch of God, to be given these sights and sensations? No win situation? No lose situation? On a profound high, I am, to see so where horizons lead.
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