Category: Rough Draft


In Tolkien’s Ainulindalë, in the creation of the world, Morgoth introduces his own themes into the music primordial. It is an interesting notion, one that would explain some of the things, how some things are, on our green world. What makes this notion something more than a curiosity is something I heard, almost overheard, that pain was not created by the God who is love. It was rather Satan’s idea. Could this be true? Also was the notion of a world where we live by the rules made by the Devil. Upon conceiving of this possibility, I thought I heard the Lord say, “Welcome to life.” More than curious?

The Cross

I had once, while I was in a room at a hospital, a vision of Satan being defeated at the cross. I felt the special circumstance that that was, the Holy Spirit strong in the air. It was just after I had received the saving knowledge, that Judas had volunteered. I met Judas for the first time, a very capable saint. No question at that time, that that knowledge was in any way flawed. We went over my idea of what it might possibly mean, not to have a savior (what I had thought was a horror beyond horrors). Appreciating even that (remote) possibility, he got ready to enter his vial (which I found out later was to protect him from the fact of not having a savior). He gave me something to give John the Baptist, told me what I was to avoid. Then I saw his vial, then snap! He was gone, sealed therein. I was told he was smiling when he entered.


Ultimately, your destiny is squarely in your hands. Whatever comes, it is up to you how you deal with it. A simple attitude adjustment — right there, that can do wonders. Decide that you will not pass up the next opportunity that comes up: to do right, to do better, to do good. Not to waste whatever talent you may have in making excuses instead. Do you actually have any idea what it could possibly mean, to do your best? I would hope that the answer is no, unless you have done already some monumentally paradigm shifting feat in your life. Because that’s what it means to do your best. Do something that will change, if not the world, then the whole of your life. And then, welcome to the team. We have a lot of work to do.

The women I’ve met… I’m definitely a legend in my own mind. I was pursued and did myself pursue Rosanna Arquette for the longest time. What did Eris’ apple say? For the prettiest? Yep, that would be her, circa 1987 or so. I think she had that cultural issue that kept her from being attracted to asians, so that was basically doomed from any start, right there. But I believed that it was true love, we were bound together in a strange method. The one that came closest to breaking us up was Audrey Hepburn. But I couldn’t help introducing her as, “cultural icon”, so that wasn’t going to work, either. Eventually the woman in my head was a woman who was real, then she broke up with me, then we got back together, then not, but still present in my fantasy world, eventually to find out she’d married and had a baby. C’est la vie. Then I had a rebound relationship, and then… and then… I was found. Such is love, no?


You can sort of hear the Lord complaining sometimes, like, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and do not the things I say?” I might guess that at this point, it might behoove us to ask what exactly he said for us to do. Sure, there are moral proscriptions, some things he told us not to pursue, but when he summarized his entire teaching, he boiled it down to two things: love, and love. #1: Love God, and #2: Love one another. Like Einstein said, let us not get bogged down in this phenomenon, or that — let us know the mind of God. That would be love. Do I need to say it again? Cause if it takes you getting sick of hearing it to stick, I’m up for that. Love, love, love… love is all you need.

You know, every major religion has at the root the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But I am basically contractually bound to tell you that Christianity is the “correct” religion. Firstly, in Judaism, God says to Moses that His name is “I AM” — this is a brilliant conceit: no other god is named so, no other god is, this is saying. And beyond, the name Immanuel means, “God with us”, which is saying that Jesus Christ, who has this name, is literally God in the form of a man. That is what being the Son of God means. Further, from the behavior of the Son, since he shares the same nature as the Father, we may conclude that God is good, that God is love, from what the Son shows himself to be. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.


I had a still burgeoning friendship with Albert Einstein, last time I checked. It went through some troubles, mostly at any time I being the one doing someone wrong. I once sent a cadre of demons after him. Once I cut off his penis. This happened in HALOSPACE, so it was easily repaired. Still… Some people it was said thought of Albert as if he were not quite of this earth. That he seemed almost alien. Myself, I saw him quite differently: the most human human being that I’d ever met. And I mean human in the noblest of the meaning. I found a way to convert him to Christianity, just in case, but the Lord sort of made fun of me because I did: saying of him, “You didn’t think we saved Einstein?” Sort of an incredulous tone. The implications, though, of that statement….


So what am I to all this bruhaha? I have thought (and it was hard to shake this), that Philip K. Dick and I were of Revelation 11, the two witnesses, the two lampstands, the two olive trees that stand before The Lord of the earth. Found out that during the transfiguration, Moses and Elijah literally did stand in that spot. It was always them, not us. But Philip K. Dick and I are twins. I saw an egg in my light of God vision, the pink half to go off and the blue half to be me: and Philip K. saw a pink glow in his light of God vision. It was just that it actually should be interpreted as red (my blue looked to me like light blue). As his fate is mine. Have I said before he is my best friend?

And then there is Joan of Arc, who has been with me from the beginning, when it began again in the summer of 1991. I had this conception of her that she were like the Lord or Newton: simply aesexual. Then, when at some point just recently when I thought this whole other world in my mind were going away, she asked me to marry her. Huh. Me, not going to let even the potential of this opportunity pass me by, I said yes. And she became the third instance of what I have thought that it was true love. She was the first who touched on The Princess Bride rather than Romeo and Juliet (which is death, BTW). And which I shared a simple moment with, just talking, which surpassed all the other moments of my life as THE BEST. Wuv, twoo wuv…


Further on Judas (that’s why we’re here, right?), he is an extreme case of what might happen if a saint were left to fend for himself against Satan, were the Devil to infiltrate one’s mind without any angelic relief on hand. This is supposed to explain why he committed suicide when he in fact volunteered to do what he did. So we know now that a saint would be victorious in a sense mano y mano against the Evil One, but o what a toll that were rendered. Even without a savior Judas is known to Christ, but it looks like Christ is no longer known to Judas. Even with the strength to perservere, what is done cannot be undone. He is sealed, alone, in an hermetic vial. As we remember how things used to be.


The Great Blasphemy