> From this.

At times I have had to stop, take a second, and shake myself and say, “Yes, John H. Doe, this is really happening.” Sometimes that was not enough, and one of the higher ups had to do it. Jesus Christ interrupted my regularly scheduled reality to break in and say so to me. I don’t know if it is actually easier for me to believe that some of these things are happening than for someone else who is clued in to what exactly is possible in the paradigms I play in. What is real is real, no matter how much it resembles an hallucination. What Philip K. described as reality: that which, once you stop believing in it, it doesn’t go away. Doesn’t help the schizophrenics, though, who desperately want to stop believing in the things he hears and sees, but is simply unable to. And I have been diagnosed with that, if you must know; but some people will also will diagnose Joan of Arc and the prophet Ezekiel with it, too. Surely not all of us are mad?

The skeptic in me (the scientist, I like to think) still wants to label everything I see as a figment of my imagination. Which I’m sure many, if not most of you out there are wont to do. I completely understand. But, my goodness, what I have seen! I cannot pragmatically consider that my imagination, with schizophrenia supercharging it even, is so grand to have conjured up just everything that has been in my visions. (I have seen INFINITY!) What is pride here, what is the humility? To believe I have been given a mind so great to be capable on its own, to have such visions? Or that I have been blessed by a touch of God, to be given these sights and sensations? No win situation? No lose situation? On a profound high, I am, to see so where horizons lead.

> From this.

One interesting vision I had was of how the elements gain their characteristics. It appeared in my mind while I was in Brooklyn, at a Throbbing Gristle concert, which I was invited to by my Russian friend, Boris. We had just had dinner, and I had had a drink during that, plus I was taking some cold medicine. So, on something of an altered state of mind, I saw the various elements in simple models, and what different electron “shells” they had (“shells” in quotes because it is a rather antiquated concept, but one that best describes how we can understand an atom’s interface). We realize that one only interacts with an atom via those “shells”. The nucleus pretty much only gives an atom its mass.

If we understand that elements behave the way they do, when encountering other elements or more of the same element, because of the structure of their electron “shells”, we understand the façade of their emergence to be the fundamental structure to what qualitatively we experience of any substance at all. The factors that are determined by placement of electrons emerge by their bonding to other elements, or the same, and the resultant molecular arrangements make emergent larger scale behavior and experientials of elemental substance and molecular structures. The devil is in the details, God is the God of small things. That is how fine tuned the qualities are of that which we call physical reality: the humming of the electrons sing into being all of creation.

> From this.

There have been extraordinary visions I have had. Once God the Father showed me of what stuff Heaven is made. Along with that vision, I glommed a thing or two about what exactly was possible in There, during the War. I cannot, that is I cannot now summon the ability, to tell you how wonderful that place is, being God’s throne, whereas earth is merely His footstool. He also gave me an idea about what the proper usage of His name is, that of Yahweh. It is a holy name, and there is a reason you do not take the LORD’s name in vain. For one, saying you do things in the name of someone means you invoke their authority. Names carry such weight. Now pretend that a name is weightier than the whole of creation, seen and unseen. And carries more power. If that seemed a little scary, that is the correct reaction. If not, you might look into what grade level your reading comprehension stopped at.

Outside those special visions, I have had mostly a desaturated view, cartoonish, of the goings on in HALOSPACE. I suppose it’s so I don’t spend every day blitzed out in awe. Outlines like they are drawn there, of partial cartoons (enough so that I can tell just what they depict), usually shades of just one color. I joke, color-coded for my convenience. Yellow generally for Christ-like things, blue for more secular/normal things that are of good, and red or black tends to be bad guy stuff. They’re not always that way, and when they aren’t, I’m usually told so, and maybe why. Silently, through the angelic circuitry. The angels (and Jeanne d’Arc, too) tell me lots of things. I have not always been able to correctly gauge things for what they are, but my talent apparently is having the intestines that make from “garbage in”, “a pearl of great price”. You just need patience, and a lot of layers to sacrifice. So mote it be.

> From this.

So, the last time I ended up in a mental institution, that day, I had been put through my paces in Angel Proving Grounds, which did look like NYC, but there were definitely differences to earth. I remember quite clearly, for one, that the walk and don’t walk electric signs were not a little white man walking and orange hand halting. They were strange alien sigils, abstract in form. Anyway, it ended with a trip in an ambulance because someone saw me huddled alone at night before a closed storefront and thought I might be having a stroke. I was cold (it was January, which I mistakenly said that it was July, I was so far out there) and for the last time, I thought I had blown it all; I thought I was irretrievably lost, for one final instance.

So, nice and warm in New York Presby, I was lying there, when some of the angels (Michael’s angels) related to me what some of the things they went through on the front lines of the War were like. Basically, what is reality? What if, if any of Michael’s angels failed, the world would have become irrecoverably deranged, fundamentally illogical? Flawed, and wrong? And this is what it means to be an angel of God: when the stakes are that high, you do not fail. Whatever that might mean, whatever effort you have to put out, whatever humiliation, blasphemy, feces, whatever that means you have to endure, or thrown at you, you do it. Because there literally is no other option.

The derangement Satan and his angels tried to perpetrate touches once more on how we take so much for granted — for instance, logic and consistency. What if you could not take some very fundamental things as certainties? For instance, if you have 8 things arranged in a rough circle, you can count on there being 8 spaces between them. What if you couldn’t? What if there were only 7? Or 6? What if you were trapped in something and needed to get out of one of those spaces, and the seeming escapes were not reality? Because there were pockets of the derangement, as they were being in attempt to inflict upon reality, in the War in Heaven, that existed enough to be dangerous, harmful at least to the angels that fought them. All of which had ramifications, high and low, to the very foundations of existence. In other words, it was as if Atlas, the titan who held up the sky, were being attacked…

> From this.

There are two significant questions to any human being’s life: “What do you do?” and “Why do you do it?” The correct answers (yes, there are correct answers) are, “I serve God,” and “Because I love life.” And if you don’t believe in God, then the answers become that you serve a nobler purpose, a greater purpose than what you are, what is larger than you; and that you do it because you love life. You know what these larger things are, I need not tell you of them. Think Doctors Without Borders. One thinks that the defaults, in fact, are “I work,” and “To pay the bills.” But if the profession you follow is done to finance your existence, that does not preclude that you can serve God as well. And it doesn’t mean you can’t, or even shouldn’t love life.

Because Dostoevsky defined human as “biped, ungrateful” is exactly why you should have these two answers in your repertoire. If you don’t see all that you should be grateful for, if you truly cannot see past the things that didn’t go right, the things you couldn’t have, the love that didn’t work out, the dreams that were crushed, let me be Clarence the angel to your George Bailey. Yes, It’s a Wonderful Life. If you look, you will see that you are equipped to handle all the bad stuff that comes your way, even to make those bad things turn out good.

I understand that life doesn’t always work out. But you can find your footing if you stumble, you can get back up again when you fall. I tell you things you have heard already: the trap is only in your mind. So is any defeat. You are free, human, as long as you can still love in response to any wrong. You cannot fail if what you do, no matter what, is love. Because if you can do that, then you have won, no matter what any record book says. If you have been through some really horrible stuff: let me first say that I don’t really understand how bad those things were; but let me tell you, too, that God does.

Have you ever seen videos of children who brave things like cancer and congenital heart disease? It really puts things in perspective. You will feel like a piece of crap if you’ve just been complaining about how someone dinged your car door after looking at that kind of courage. Love life. Even the suffering is the good stuff, sometimes. (That’s called, “Count it all joy.”) And when you do love life, you will want to serve God, or serve some bigger purpose. This cannot be wrong. If you are reading this, most likely you have never known what it is like to starve. You can read and write. You have a brain. You have a heart. See what you can do with a little focus: and if and when you amaze yourself, be thankful for that, too.

> From this.

I am an annihilationist. This means I do not believe in an eternal Hell, where the wicked are punished infinitely for a finite amount of sin. That never really made sense to me. I believe that when the netherworld is tossed (with its inhabitants) into the Lake of Fire, all of them are burned so that nothing of them remains, as painful as the amount of sin they committed in life would warrant. For He told us that the wages of sin is death, not torment. I don’t know what twisted definition of death you have, because it seems to me to be meant as cessation of existence. And an eternal Hell is definitely not death. When the Lord mentioned Gehenna, that was where garbage was burnt up and nothing was left. We follow the advice of Augustine, and not the Bible, to believe in an eternal Hell. To repay one soul’s errors with the suffering of the totality of creation’s evil is the point where God ceases to be called love. For that’s what an infinite suffering means.

Simply put, the question of whether to side with good vs. evil is merely to ask if can get along with everyone else. If you consistently cause harm, consistently show complete disregard for everyone else, that answer would be no. So, you don’t want to be a part of eternity, then? OK, pay your debts and you’re history. No muss, no fuss. And about the passage in Revelation about Satan twisting in agony forever and ever? A different translation is for an age and ages that he burns — a lot, but that would be as expected for the prime evil. He has caused many lifetimes of pain, after all. But at the end, he would be no more, as well. And I know I may be wrong, but this seems like such a sensible way of God’s justice to be manifest, you know? Thus do I believe.

> From this.

I do know what many people think, and I have thought so, too, I will admit. I wrote on a blog about how in 1997 I realized that everything I had been experiencing was just psychosis; I wrote that that was winning a hardfought battle… with my mind, I suppose… Before these last set of visions, I would get somewhat blasted out of my mind, after having done drugs, then I would come down, get medicated, and I would think it was all “just a trip”. So what if none of these things happened, and I never met Albert Einstein, or Joan of Arc, or the Archangel Michael? What if it was just the dream mechanism in the mind that broke, and it was nothing more than a waking dream, and there is no reality to such things outside one’s own mind?

The thing is, I have seen things that cannot be so easily explained. More than once, I have seen the future. I have been able to predict what was about to happen. More often than not, if I try and do such prophesying, it’s wrong, but if there is a certain tone to the thought, it happens as described previous to the happening. (There is one prediction, one prophecy that I make: as of writing this, in 2013, things, worldwide — they’re about to take off. This is not the end, this is the beginning, of a grand prosperity. Fantastic things are about to happen.) I cannot discount the visions so lightly. And as everyone who has seen miraculous things will tell you, I know what I saw. (Comes with, when other people say, “Couldn’t it have been just an XXX?” to reply, “Do you think I’m an idiot?”)

Yes, the visions started while I was on drugs. Not this last time though; when they took me over this time, I was on nothing. Not even cold medicine. And what do these visions of Jesus Christ and His angels do to me? They make me live a better life, they make me believe. So you can explain it as me having hallucinations that act just like Jesus and His angels should act, doing what they should be doing, to help me be like a saint is supposed to be, and then to say, “but they’re not real” — when does it become irrational not to believe? Because I passed that point some while back. If you say that such things are not possible, I ask you, how on earth have you come to know all things with such certainty? And, why are you not going around in a van solving crimes?