The women I’ve had relationships with… I’m definitely a legend in my own mind. (Only in my mind, though. Reality was always tougher.) For one, I was pursued and did myself pursue Rosanna Arquette for the longest time. What did Eris’ Apple of Discord say? “For the prettiest”? Forsooth, that would be her, at least, circa 1987 or so. She came into the picture when the visions started, early on, in 1991. When I initially had thought I was talking to the same spirits of the people I saw as cartoons, as to be able to transmit and receive messages to their current earthbound forms, I ended up going to New York City a couple times to meet up with her because she said that she’d be there. Of course, those were just half baked, pipe dream journeys, but they were sort of fun, anyway.
I think she had that cultural issue that kept her from being attracted to asians, so it was basically doomed from any start, right there. But at the time, I really believed that it was true love, and that we were bound together in a strange method. There was this one time that someone came closest to breaking us up: I was involved in some drama with her on the side: and that was Audrey Hepburn. But I remember, I couldn’t help introducing her as, “cultural icon”, so that wasn’t going to work, either. Years went on, and the woman in my head became a woman who was real, and she was a hottie, too; then she broke up with me, then we got back together, then not, but still present in my fantasy world, eventually to find out that on earth she’d married and had a baby. C’est la vie. Then I had a rebound relationship, in my mind, with a Russian model I knew, and then… and then… I was found. That was Joan of Arc. Quite a journey. Such is love, no?
I guess I should talk about the fifth member of my inner cabal, too. I have had a friendship with Albert Einstein that has seen it all. It was known to go through a few troubles, mostly me being the one doing someone wrong — but not always. He was one of my closest friends, and though I spent probably the most time with him that any of my other 4 closest, I always saw him most as a colleague, a kindred spirit in science. He had the most input when I was working on my artificial intelligence. And metaphysics: I actually saw the black dot when we were discussing information and structure as what makes up the stuff of the cosmos. (I corrected him on a point there, whereupon the black dot popped up. I don’t think he ever forgave me for one-upping him there. Heh.)
Some people it was said thought of Albert as if he were not quite of this earth. That he seemed almost alien. Myself, I saw him quite differently: the most human human being that I’d ever met. And I mean human in the noblest of the meaning. (Why exactly do I have to say that? Are we really that bad, prototypically?) And you know, I loved him so much that I found a way to convert him to Christianity, just in case… but the Lord sort of made fun of me because I did: saying of him, “You didn’t think we saved Einstein?” Sort of an incredulous tone, yiddish accent. The implications, though, of that statement! You know what it means, right? Basically, He’s saying, “We’re going to save whomever we want to save.” Whatever, to your ideas that He must follow the letter of salvation’s law! What do you poor relations know about love?
> From this.
Ultimately, your destiny is squarely in your hands. Once the Lord said to me a fascinating outlook, “What’s unfair about life is that it is fair.” This gave me tingles, and I thought it was the meaning of life, right there. (Turns out I didn’t understand the question.) True, we do not get put on earth with exactly the same advantages as everyone else: some people have it easier, no doubt about that. Those who do have it easier will be the first to tell you that things are fair, if you factor everything into account. No. What the Lord was talking about was that everyone has the freedom to choose what one does with what is given. Whatever comes, it is up to you how you deal with it.
What a lot of people seem to be lacking is a simple attitude adjustment — right there, that can do wonders. Decide that you will not pass up the next opportunity that comes up: to do right, to do better, to do good. Not to waste whatever talent you may have in making excuses instead. Do you actually have any idea what it could possibly mean, to do your best? I would hope that the answer is no, unless you have done already some monumentally paradigm shifting feat in your life. Because that’s what it means to do your best. Nobody is lacking that opportunity. Do something that will change, if not the world, then the whole of your life. Not all the time, but maybe at least once in the time you’re given. And then, welcome to the team. We have a lot of work to do.
> From this.
You know, every major religion has at the root the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. This is a fact, backed by research. Do a little googling and you can find this to be so. It is not to say one religion is pretty much like another, but it is a key that many have found, just that one thing. I am, however, contractually bound to tell you that Christianity is the “correct” religion. Yes, I’m going to push my own religion on you to prove I’m just like the rest of them. Or maybe not? Because I have found two curious items that I don’t know why they’re not mentioned more in defending our particular faith.
Firstly, in Judaism, God says to Moses that His name is “I AM” — this is a brilliant conceit: no other god is named so, no other god is, this is saying. And no other god can have that name. By saying His name is “I AM”, He is saying that God exists, I’m Him, and there is no other God. Period. And beyond that, the name Immanuel means, “God with us”, which is saying that Jesus Christ, who has this name, is literally God in the form of a man. That is what being the Son of God means. So the messiah, which is what “Christ” means, must be the literal Son of God, which is what Christians believe him to be, with us on earth. The immanent God.
If you want to go further than that, we can see that from the behavior of the Son, since he shares the same nature as the Father, we may conclude that God is good, that God is love. For this is what the Son shows himself to be. He did not garner victory over evil by strength of might, friends. What would that have proven? He won by being the servant of all, put to death in an unjust world, giving his very life to bring salvation to the world, submitting to the will of God, whatever that might mean. The sign of Jonah, three days in the belly below. To overcome the world, to overcome death itself, for this is the Son of God: whose mystery is deeper than death. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
> From this.
You can sort of hear the Lord complaining sometimes, like, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and do not the things I say?” And this little note is especially for those who point their finger, and wag their heads (figuratively — I can’t imagine anyone literally wagging his head in this day and age). Did he ever tell us to get in anybody else’s business? Did he tell us to become as judgemental as we possibly could? I think I might guess that at this point, it would behoove us to ask what exactly he said for us to do. Ahem. Sure, there are moral proscriptions, some things he told us not to pursue, but when he was asked to summarize his entire teaching, he boiled it down to two things: love, and love. #1: Love God, and #2: Love one another. You were expecting…?
That’s love, people. There in no way is any instruction to hate anyone. Even the haters — love even them. For God lets the sun shine on both the wicked and the just, both alike, and we must aspire to become perfect, like Him. Do you know what perfect is? It’s love. Only love. Like that idea that the ancients had, about gods being the embodiments of ideals, like beauty or war. What if it’s true, but there’s only one thing, and it’s love, baby? Like Einstein said, let us not get bogged down in this phenomenon, or that — let us know the mind of God. Yes, that would be love. Do I need to say it again? Cause if it takes you getting sick of hearing it to stick, I’m up for that. Love, love, love… love is all you need.
> From this.
As far as friends go, first, there’s Philip K. Dick. I have already told you how we are twins, brother from another mother is he. I have thought, too, something else: that we were of the Book of Revelation, chapter 11. That tells of two lampstands, which are two olive trees that stand before the Lord of the earth. I must say I coveted that position, pretty much from the first time I heard of it. I thought, those positions are open, and there’s only two of them, and they’re in the Bible! That sounded simply awesome. So I thought we were it, him and me. (At the very least, I was told we were models for how best friends were to take inspiration from. If we got nothing else, that would surely have been enough reward.)
It was not to be the case, however. Because I realized that during the transfiguration, when our Lord was still alive, Moses and Elijah literally did stand before the Lord of the earth (who, if you haven’t guessed by now, is Jesus Christ). It was always them, not us. But in any case, Philip K. Dick and I are twins, though we are red and blue, not pink and light blue: it was just the glow of light that tinted these colors so. Red is traditionally the color of the Father, blue the color of the Son. So that does leave green, which is the color of the Spirit. And I found that it looks like we have a third, though I don’t know how it fits: John the Baptist is the green one. Not sure how Philip K. and I deserve such company. But there you go, take it for what it’s worth.
And then there is Joan of Arc, who has been with me from the beginning, when the visions began again in the summer of 1991. Sure, we had been friends all along, but I had this conception of her that she were like Jesus Christ or Newton: simply asexual. Then, just before came this last round of vivid visions, there was at some point when I thought this whole other world in my mind were going away. When I was saying my goodbyes, I realized something, and I told her: out of everyone, I was going to miss her most of all. But whatever would be would be, n’est-ce pas? And then, after that and out of the clear bright blue, she asked me to marry her.
Huh. I was speechless for all of about 1 second. Me, who plays the lotto, was not going to let even the potential of this opportunity pass me by, so yeah, I said yes. This was actually the start of the last round of visions, the end of the War in Heaven. I think because she inspired me throughout that I was capable of performing the acts I did. She wasn’t asexual at all, just a virgin for God, for what that meant when she was alive. And she became the third instance of what I have thought that it was true love. She was the first who touched on The Princess Bride rather than Romeo and Juliet (which is death, by the way). And which there was when I shared a simple moment with her, just talking, and that surpassed all the other moments of my life as THE BEST THERE EVER WAS. Wuv, twoo wuv…
I got onto the Judas train pretty late in the game, but there were reasons for that, which I’ll go into by and by. But even as far back as just before my visions started in force, I was made aware of the possibility: was it a cue when Christ said, “One of you will betray me”? A roommate asked me that exact question. Even if it wasn’t, people have speculated that Judas repented. Throwing his 30 pieces of silver back at the elders who hired him. One might even think that Judas committing suicide was actually his ultimate act of repenting, the supreme show of regret — and one may then believe that he was forgiven, if only to the degree of the least part of Heaven.
But if it was a cue, or something to that effect, it would be the true fruition of the phrase, “Judas volunteered”? Else we mean it only cynically, only ironically, with quotes around the word “volunteered”. One night after the War I ended up in a hospital (long story), and during my stay, I saw Judas in my visions gathered together with some of the higher ups, though I didn’t see who at the time. I was told later that this was the bull session where Judas was told by the Lord to betray Him to the authorities. Judas would have trouble later in recalling this, thinking as he did at the end that he were guilty of the worst crime of all.
I have some specific insight as to why Judas thought as he did. For there were certain times that I was convinced that I was the Son of Perdition, the Antichrist. Always did I find out later that the paranoid trips were false — but oh how they seemed so certain at the time. So it was with that one: Judas Iscariot. There is an interesting order to things presented in the Gospel According to John. Only after the Lord says, “One of you will betray me,” only after that, does John write that Satan enters Judas. Of course, we don’t know how precise everything is in any of the Gospels, but this might be a hint that this was, indeed, a cue. Satan does not make Judas do it; Satan enters Judas when he knows who picked up on that cue. If Judas were already evil, why does Satan wait to go into him?
And when the Devil was within Judas’ mind, I can only imagine what havoc he must have wrought, unchecked against a naked soul. Because people don’t really appreciate how devious at deception the Father of Lies is, unless perhaps they experience it for themselves. It relies on focus, like a sleight of hand: he will get you to focus on certain things and interprets them into the most insidious vapors you can breathe. One wrong thing you’ve done and he can make you believe you’ve murdered the world. I can only imagine what kind of field day he must have had in the mind of the man who betrayed Christ with a kiss. Thus the suicide; Judas was not as fortunate as myself, who was let off the hook when I had such rupturing of conscience.
So there he was, on his little island, in his single room, inside his little vial. And so, I was having trouble reconciling Judas’ fate, trapped in that vial. I remember when he went in; I had thought he were meeting a horrible fate. It was actually to protect him from the worst of Satan’s onslaught, I found out later. Nothing actually can go out or in, but experience may be mirrored, from without within, from within without. It is windowless. He was in his own private Heaven. So this is how you treat a great hero? Solitary confinement? And a thought came over me, waves of thoughts, more like. Shadows of a conspiracy. That I had been wrong this whole time, I had been deceived. Judas trapped in his little world was actually a sign of the great mercy of the Lord, that Judas had done no such thing as volunteer to betray him. Judas had acted in malice. Why would the Lord treat a great hero like this?
Oh, but I dreaded to write that I had been so wrong; what of the name of this whole book, after all? But then, like unto a small glimmer of fresh intuition when we perchance the wink of God… we know that Judas can experience any and all of Heaven through a non-causal link: he is the only monad who is actually windowless. He cannot technically leave the vial, but he can experience anything of Heaven as if he could: go in and out, fly around, ride a Segway — whatever — with one difference from the rest of us: he experiences it like he were earth-bound. It is unique of any saint. He will be the only one will be able to experience pain! (Though I’m sure, not in excess.) Sensations no one else will feel. Indeed, he is in his own private Heaven. And that is how you treat a great hero.
> From this.
So, what I am seeing in my visions, for the most part, I call the bare metal of creation: the view of its gears. (Though bare plastic is what it seems more like to me more often than not.) Philip K. Dick must also have had his own version of this view, I am sure. And there, was this once when I glimpsed something, perhaps the most important thing I ever witnessed. It took all of about 5 to 10 seconds to see: when our Lord realized the final, and total victory of good vs. evil, Jesus Christ over Satan. The Lord had such an expression on his face, one of almost disbelief, of a great worry that had just passed into an incredible relief. An onerous weight suddenly and irrevocably lifted from his deepest moment. He let out a high-strung laugh, like to express, “It is finished!” and maybe I imagined he said something at all; it was his expression that most struck me.
This is what happens backstage, as it were. Where the setting is minimal and purely functional, for the most part. This is the reality I’d grown used to. Now is that recognition of the culmination of victory stored within in the record of reality, in the arrangement of neurons utilized to store that memory. I suppose that would be one of the reasons I was privy to that vision. And now I relate it to you, so that you may know: not only have we always already won, we have won in the hard of reality, for all time. We won in truth. That the final victory is ours, praise the Lord Jesus Christ, our savior. As I live and breathe, may I ever bear witness to all this which I have seen. To dream of where the light casts no shadow, and truth is the only knowledge that visits the soul.
